Saturday night’s Willow Dunes wedding reception was a picture-perfect affair—elegant décor, exquisite cuisine, and an open bar that encouraged just a bit too much celebration. Unfortunately, the evening came to an abrupt and disastrous end when one particularly festive guest decided that golf carts make excellent getaway vehicles. They do not. At approximately 11:42 p.m., an unnamed, extremely well-lubricated wedding guest commandeered a club cart from behind The Gilded Fork , declaring "I'm fine, I golf all the time!" before peeling off into the night. Their joyride ended 45 seconds later when they wrapped the cart around a tree near the 9th fairway. And now, Clive Wadsworth is furious . The Scene of the Crime By the time security arrived, the guest had already vanished, leaving behind: A totaled golf cart, missing a front wheel and partially embedded in bark. A spilled cocktail, suspiciously untouched. One loafer, later recovered by maintenance staff. Director of Security Isabella Vaughn cordoned off the area with police tape, which only fueled the drama. By sunrise, golfers were gathered at the scene, whispering theories as if it were a crime from an episode of Dateline. And then… Clive arrived. Clive Loses His Mind For a man who avoids manual labor at all costs, Clive reacts very passionately when club property is destroyed. "This… this is an OUTRAGE!" he bellowed, inspecting the wreckage as if it were a crime against humanity. Never mind that: Clive hasn’t personally driven a golf cart in three years. There are at least 30 other working carts. Nobody is asking Clive to fix anything. This was now a personal crusade. The Investigation Begins Clive immediately launched his own investigation, which involved: Pacing around the wreckage while shaking his head. Dramatically taking notes on a clipboard. Asking everyone nearby, "Do we have security footage on this?" When Isabella Vaughn informed him that security had already reviewed the footage and handed the matter off to the wedding party, Clive was not satisfied. "Doesn’t matter. I’ll get to the bottom of it," he muttered, writing nothing of importance on his clipboard. The Fallout The cart? Already towed away. The tree? Mostly fine. The wedding guest? Mysteriously quiet. Clive? Still outraged. By Monday morning, he was still telling anyone who would listen about how “back in my day, people respected golf carts.” Meanwhile, a brand-new cart arrived from the manufacturer, completely resolving the issue. Clive is still taking notes.

Chip Wexley’s Promotion & The Search for a New Superintendent

At Willow Dunes Country Club, golf is a game of patience, precision, and unrelenting judgment of the groups ahead and behind you. For years, pace of play has been a delicate issue, balancing the needs of those who enjoy the game at a leisurely pace and those who believe that any round over four hours is a human rights violation. Now, after much debate (and several near fistfights on the 12th tee), club leadership is considering adjusting tee time intervals to resolve the ongoing crisis. The question is simple: Should tee times be spaced at 8, 9, 10, or 11 minutes apart? The answer is anything but. The Problem: Everyone Else is Always the Issue As one wise member put it: “Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind you.” Truer words have never been spoken. Members who consider themselves pace-of-play enforcers argue that tee times should be tightened to 8-minute gaps to get more players on the course and “keep things moving.” Members who enjoy five-hour rounds with multiple drink stops insist that 11-minute gaps are the only way to ensure a proper club experience. Then there’s the compromise crowd, who think 10 minutes is just right, but only if the beverage cart schedule is adjusted accordingly. The Drama Unfolds The issue came to a head last Sunday when Lord Worthington’s group finished in just under four hours, immediately causing speculation that they had skipped a hole entirely. Meanwhile, a separate foursome on the 14th tee had been playing for nearly five hours, causing Chip Wexley to casually suggest "installing lights for evening play.” Naturally, the Men’s Thursday League believes they should have final say, insisting that their pace is the "gold standard" of golf—despite their rounds being interrupted by lengthy bets, cigar re-lighting, and heated discussions over club selection. The Ladies’ Midweek Group has a different take. They propose a variable system in which tee times are shorter in the morning for serious golfers and longer in the afternoon for those “who aren’t in a hurry to get anywhere important.” Meanwhile, Eddie Langston insists that whatever the decision, it should be detailed in a new chapter of The Mid-Round Manual . Where We Go From Here The club has opened an official Pace of Play Feedback Form, which can be submitted in writing to Eleanor Van Pelt, Director of Membership & Gatekeeping Affairs. Early reports suggest that most forms contain little more than passive-aggressive complaints about specific members. Until a decision is made, members are encouraged to do their best to: Play ready golf (unless they’re putting for birdie, then all traditions apply). Limit unnecessary stops (except for The Velvet Taproom, because some things are sacred). Remember that no matter what, the slowest players will always be in front of you, and the fastest will always be behind. Stay tuned. Or, if you’re still on the 15th hole from yesterday’s round, please pick up the pace.

Golf has always been a game of skill, strategy, and the occasional creative excuse for a bad shot . But now, thanks to an influx of smart golf accessories, members of Willow Dunes Country Club may soon find themselves running out of reasons for poor performance. Sterling Whitmore, Director of Athletics & Prestige Training, has seen it all—players blaming the wind, the slope, the dimples on their ball, and even “a distracting bird” for their misfires. Now, with the rise of rangefinders , GPS watches , and putting aids that track every movement, he asks a pointed question: “At what point does the technology stop helping and start proving you’re the problem?” The Excuse-Eliminating Era Today’s golf tech is designed to make you better. But for some members, it simply makes it harder to pretend they’re better than they are. Take the latest GPS-enabled rangefinders. Once, a golfer could confidently step up to their ball and declare: "Feels like about 155 yards—probably an 8-iron." Now, a laser rangefinder instantly corrects them. "Nope. It’s 137 yards. And playing 132 downhill." Suddenly, the shot they thought was “just a little long” is revealed to be a full club selection error. Meanwhile, high-tech putting aids are exposing putting strokes that have been questionable for decades. Sterling recalls watching one particular member test out a putting alignment trainer on the practice green. "It’s broken," the member muttered after three straight misses. Sterling took the putter, stroked one into the cup, and handed it back. "No, it’s not." How Smart is Too Smart? Of course, there’s a divide in the club over whether technology is making golf better or turning it into an overanalyzed math equation. The Purists: “If you can’t judge a distance by eye, you shouldn’t be playing.” The Tech Enthusiasts: “My GPS watch tracks my swing path, tempo, club speed, and hydration levels. It’s practically my coach.” The Skeptics: “Does a swing analyzer tell me why I shanked it? Or does it just confirm that I shanked it?” Lord Worthington, unsurprisingly, remains unmoved by the technological revolution. "My caddie tells me the distance. If I miss, he tells me whose fault it was. What else do I need? " The Verdict? Adapt or Be Exposed With technology improving every year, smart golf accessories are here to stay. Sterling believes members have two choices: Embrace the tech and improve. Ignore the tech and keep making excuses. Either way, Willow Dunes will continue to be a place where the latest innovations meet unwavering tradition—and where excuses, no matter how creative, will always be part of the game. Find all of the best technological game improvers, and other accessories right here!

A Radical New Approach That Nobody Asked For

A Maintenance Saga

A Security Inquiry

But Nobody Saw It