Breaking News: Willow Dunes to Welcome New Superintendent

After an extensive, borderline spiritual journey to find his successor, Chip Wexley, Director of Agronomy and reluctant mentor, has announced that Harlan “Hardpan” McCoy will officially begin as Willow Dunes’ Golf Course Superintendent & Guardian of the Greens on April 10th.

Chip has asked members to “withhold all judgment until at least April 11th.”

Who Is Harlan McCoy, and Why Are We Slightly Concerned?

Harlan hails from Dusty Ridge Golf Links, a Texas course known for its “naturalistic resilience” (translation: mostly dirt, by choice). He brings decades of experience, intuition, and unverified folklore to Willow Dunes.

He has never used a spreadsheet, but once read a blade of turf and correctly predicted a thunderstorm.

In his application—typed on a typewriter and scented faintly of barbecue smoke—he listed his hobbies as:

• “Chasing sprinkler heads”
• “Outsmarting moles”
• “Occasional welding”

His references?
Two former greenskeepers, one mystic, and a dog named Duffy.

What to Expect April 10th

While most superintendents arrive with a clipboard, Harlan is rumored to be arriving in a flatbed truck, accompanied by a scarecrow he refers to as “Deputy Overseed.”

Plans for his first week include:

• Naming every cup cutter “in case of emergencies”
• A sunrise “soil ceremony” on Hole 4
• Something cryptically labeled as “Topdressing Tuesdays: Let the Spirit Settle”

Chip Wexley, when asked for comment, said only:

“He’s not me. But he’s got… presence. And no allergies.”

Member Reactions So Far

• Eleanor Van Pelt has requested an in-person etiquette review. For him.
• Clive Wadsworth has already submitted a formal complaint about “the boots.”
• Max Sterling offered to toast Harlan’s arrival with something “smoky and strong—like his aura.”
• Mickey Callahan simply nodded and muttered, “He looks like he ain’t afraid of rakes. I like him.”

So get ready, Willow Dunes.
The course is about to meet its newest caretaker.
His name is Harlan McCoy.
He starts April 10th.
And according to Chip…

“It’s going to be weird. But probably fine.”

Stay tuned for updates, sightings, and inevitable confusion.