Clive Wadsworth vs. The Wedding Guest Who Wrecked a Golf Cart

At Willow Dunes Country Club, golf is a game of patience, precision, and unrelenting judgment of the groups ahead and behind you. For years, pace of play has been a delicate issue, balancing the needs of those who enjoy the game at a leisurely pace and those who believe that any round over four hours is a human rights violation. Now, after much debate (and several near fistfights on the 12th tee), club leadership is considering adjusting tee time intervals to resolve the ongoing crisis. The question is simple: Should tee times be spaced at 8, 9, 10, or 11 minutes apart? The answer is anything but. The Problem: Everyone Else is Always the Issue As one wise member put it: “Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind you.” Truer words have never been spoken. Members who consider themselves pace-of-play enforcers argue that tee times should be tightened to 8-minute gaps to get more players on the course and “keep things moving.” Members who enjoy five-hour rounds with multiple drink stops insist that 11-minute gaps are the only way to ensure a proper club experience. Then there’s the compromise crowd, who think 10 minutes is just right, but only if the beverage cart schedule is adjusted accordingly. The Drama Unfolds The issue came to a head last Sunday when Lord Worthington’s group finished in just under four hours, immediately causing speculation that they had skipped a hole entirely. Meanwhile, a separate foursome on the 14th tee had been playing for nearly five hours, causing Chip Wexley to casually suggest "installing lights for evening play.” Naturally, the Men’s Thursday League believes they should have final say, insisting that their pace is the "gold standard" of golf—despite their rounds being interrupted by lengthy bets, cigar re-lighting, and heated discussions over club selection. The Ladies’ Midweek Group has a different take. They propose a variable system in which tee times are shorter in the morning for serious golfers and longer in the afternoon for those “who aren’t in a hurry to get anywhere important.” Meanwhile, Eddie Langston insists that whatever the decision, it should be detailed in a new chapter of The Mid-Round Manual . Where We Go From Here The club has opened an official Pace of Play Feedback Form, which can be submitted in writing to Eleanor Van Pelt, Director of Membership & Gatekeeping Affairs. Early reports suggest that most forms contain little more than passive-aggressive complaints about specific members. Until a decision is made, members are encouraged to do their best to: Play ready golf (unless they’re putting for birdie, then all traditions apply). Limit unnecessary stops (except for The Velvet Taproom, because some things are sacred). Remember that no matter what, the slowest players will always be in front of you, and the fastest will always be behind. Stay tuned. Or, if you’re still on the 15th hole from yesterday’s round, please pick up the pace.