A Power Shift in Turf Management: Chip Wexley’s Promotion

A monumental shift is taking place in the Willow Dunes Golf Course Maintenance Department, sending shockwaves through the fairways, bunkers, and possibly even The Velvet Taproom.

After years of cigar-smoking, bunker-rake-burning, and strategic course neglect disguised as “naturalization efforts,” Chip Wexley has been promoted.

Yes, you read that correctly. Chip Wexley is now Director of Agronomy.

What This Means for Willow Dunes

For those unfamiliar with the nuanced political hierarchy of golf course maintenance, this promotion means Chip now oversees not just Willow Dunes, but ALL agronomic operations within our exclusive golf empire (which, at the moment, consists of exactly one course, but that’s beside the point).

He will now:

• Dictate turfgrass policies from an even larger office (likely with even more cigar smoke).
• Oversee budgets that ensure golf course conditioning remains "ideal but not too ideal," to keep members on their toes.
• Maintain full control over bunker policies, which means rakes are unlikely to return anytime soon.

This elevation of power also means one crucial thing:

Willow Dunes needs a new Golf Course Superintendent.

The Search Begins

The hunt is on for a capable, experienced, and (ideally) rake-friendly individual to take over the day-to-day course operations. The ideal candidate will:

• Navigate the delicate balance of keeping the course challenging, but not so challenging that members riot.
• Possess the ability to act like they’re constantly busy while spending 90% of their time in a utility cart.
• Have an extremely high tolerance for feedback from members who think they understand turf science because they once aerated their lawn.
• Not attempt to undo any of Chip’s past “brilliant initiatives” without direct approval, notarized in triplicate.

Applicants must understand that this position is not for the faint of heart.

• Golf balls will be hit at you when mowing fairways.
• Your bunker work will be scrutinized with the intensity of a legal deposition.
• Your hydration system decisions will dictate whether members shower you with praise or demand your immediate termination.

A Club Divided

As expected, this announcement has split the club into factions:

• The Traditionalists: “Chip moving up is a great thing. Now he can focus on the big picture.”
• The Fearful Members: “What if this means more extreme bunker policies?”
• The Skeptics: “Let’s be honest—Chip’s still going to be running things, no matter who they hire.”
• Chip Himself: “I don’t care who they hire, as long as they don’t touch my damn bunker strategy.”

What Happens Next?

The hiring process will be rigorous, secretive, and undoubtedly controversial. Candidates will be subjected to a gauntlet of turf knowledge, psychological endurance, and an on-course bunker escape challenge.

Until then, Chip Wexley reigns supreme.

If you know someone crazy enough to take this job, direct them to Eleanor Van Pelt, Director of Membership & Gatekeeping Affairs. She’s already preparing the list of candidates—and, more importantly, the list of people who will absolutely never be considered.