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A Power Shift in Turf Management: Chip Wexley’s Promotion
March 10, 2025
Chip Wexley’s Promotion & The Search for a New Superintendent
A monumental shift is taking place in the Willow Dunes Golf Course Maintenance Department, sending shockwaves through the fairways, bunkers, and possibly even The Velvet Taproom.
After years of cigar-smoking, bunker-rake-burning, and strategic course neglect disguised as “naturalization efforts,” Chip Wexley has been promoted.
Yes, you read that correctly. Chip Wexley is now Director of Agronomy.
What This Means for Willow Dunes
For those unfamiliar with the nuanced political hierarchy of golf course maintenance, this promotion means Chip now oversees not just Willow Dunes, but ALL agronomic operations within our exclusive golf empire (which, at the moment, consists of exactly one course, but that’s beside the point).
He will now:
- Dictate turfgrass policies from an even larger office (likely with even more cigar smoke).
- Oversee budgets that ensure golf course conditioning remains "ideal but not too ideal," to keep members on their toes.
- Maintain full control over bunker policies, which means rakes are unlikely to return anytime soon.
This elevation of power also means one crucial thing:
Willow Dunes needs a new Golf Course Superintendent.
The Search Begins
The hunt is on for a capable, experienced, and (ideally) rake-friendly individual to take over the day-to-day course operations. The ideal candidate will:
- Navigate the delicate balance of keeping the course challenging, but not so challenging that members riot.
- Possess the ability to act like they’re constantly busy while spending 90% of their time in a utility cart.
- Have an extremely high tolerance for feedback from members who think they understand turf science because they once aerated their lawn.
- Not attempt to undo any of Chip’s past “brilliant initiatives” without direct approval, notarized in triplicate.
Applicants must understand that this position is not for the faint of heart.
- Golf balls will be hit at you when mowing fairways.
- Your bunker work will be scrutinized with the intensity of a legal deposition.
- Your hydration system decisions will dictate whether members shower you with praise or demand your immediate termination.
A Club Divided
As expected, this announcement has split the club into factions:
- The Traditionalists: “Chip moving up is a great thing. Now he can focus on the big picture.”
- The Fearful Members: “What if this means more extreme bunker policies?”
- The Skeptics: “Let’s be honest—Chip’s still going to be running things, no matter who they hire.”
- Chip Himself: “I don’t care who they hire, as long as they don’t touch my damn bunker strategy.”
What Happens Next?
The hiring process will be rigorous, secretive, and undoubtedly controversial. Candidates will be subjected to a gauntlet of turf knowledge, psychological endurance, and an on-course bunker escape challenge.
Until then, Chip Wexley reigns supreme.
If you know someone crazy enough to take this job, direct them to Eleanor Van Pelt, Director of Membership & Gatekeeping Affairs. She’s already preparing the list of candidates—and, more importantly, the list of people who will absolutely never be considered.
The Club Chronicle
Saturday night’s Willow Dunes wedding reception was a picture-perfect affair—elegant décor, exquisite cuisine, and an open bar that encouraged just a bit too much celebration. Unfortunately, the evening came to an abrupt and disastrous end when one particularly festive guest decided that golf carts make excellent getaway vehicles. They do not. At approximately 11:42 p.m., an unnamed, extremely well-lubricated wedding guest commandeered a club cart from behind The Gilded Fork , declaring "I'm fine, I golf all the time!" before peeling off into the night. Their joyride ended 45 seconds later when they wrapped the cart around a tree near the 9th fairway. And now, Clive Wadsworth is furious . The Scene of the Crime By the time security arrived, the guest had already vanished, leaving behind: A totaled golf cart, missing a front wheel and partially embedded in bark. A spilled cocktail, suspiciously untouched. One loafer, later recovered by maintenance staff. Director of Security Isabella Vaughn cordoned off the area with police tape, which only fueled the drama. By sunrise, golfers were gathered at the scene, whispering theories as if it were a crime from an episode of Dateline. And then… Clive arrived. Clive Loses His Mind For a man who avoids manual labor at all costs, Clive reacts very passionately when club property is destroyed. "This… this is an OUTRAGE!" he bellowed, inspecting the wreckage as if it were a crime against humanity. Never mind that: Clive hasn’t personally driven a golf cart in three years. There are at least 30 other working carts. Nobody is asking Clive to fix anything. This was now a personal crusade. The Investigation Begins Clive immediately launched his own investigation, which involved: Pacing around the wreckage while shaking his head. Dramatically taking notes on a clipboard. Asking everyone nearby, "Do we have security footage on this?" When Isabella Vaughn informed him that security had already reviewed the footage and handed the matter off to the wedding party, Clive was not satisfied. "Doesn’t matter. I’ll get to the bottom of it," he muttered, writing nothing of importance on his clipboard. The Fallout The cart? Already towed away. The tree? Mostly fine. The wedding guest? Mysteriously quiet. Clive? Still outraged. By Monday morning, he was still telling anyone who would listen about how “back in my day, people respected golf carts.” Meanwhile, a brand-new cart arrived from the manufacturer, completely resolving the issue. Clive is still taking notes.
At Willow Dunes Country Club, golf is a game of patience, precision, and unrelenting judgment of the groups ahead and behind you. For years, pace of play has been a delicate issue, balancing the needs of those who enjoy the game at a leisurely pace and those who believe that any round over four hours is a human rights violation. Now, after much debate (and several near fistfights on the 12th tee), club leadership is considering adjusting tee time intervals to resolve the ongoing crisis. The question is simple: Should tee times be spaced at 8, 9, 10, or 11 minutes apart? The answer is anything but. The Problem: Everyone Else is Always the Issue As one wise member put it: “Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind you.” Truer words have never been spoken. Members who consider themselves pace-of-play enforcers argue that tee times should be tightened to 8-minute gaps to get more players on the course and “keep things moving.” Members who enjoy five-hour rounds with multiple drink stops insist that 11-minute gaps are the only way to ensure a proper club experience. Then there’s the compromise crowd, who think 10 minutes is just right, but only if the beverage cart schedule is adjusted accordingly. The Drama Unfolds The issue came to a head last Sunday when Lord Worthington’s group finished in just under four hours, immediately causing speculation that they had skipped a hole entirely. Meanwhile, a separate foursome on the 14th tee had been playing for nearly five hours, causing Chip Wexley to casually suggest "installing lights for evening play.” Naturally, the Men’s Thursday League believes they should have final say, insisting that their pace is the "gold standard" of golf—despite their rounds being interrupted by lengthy bets, cigar re-lighting, and heated discussions over club selection. The Ladies’ Midweek Group has a different take. They propose a variable system in which tee times are shorter in the morning for serious golfers and longer in the afternoon for those “who aren’t in a hurry to get anywhere important.” Meanwhile, Eddie Langston insists that whatever the decision, it should be detailed in a new chapter of The Mid-Round Manual . Where We Go From Here The club has opened an official Pace of Play Feedback Form, which can be submitted in writing to Eleanor Van Pelt, Director of Membership & Gatekeeping Affairs. Early reports suggest that most forms contain little more than passive-aggressive complaints about specific members. Until a decision is made, members are encouraged to do their best to: Play ready golf (unless they’re putting for birdie, then all traditions apply). Limit unnecessary stops (except for The Velvet Taproom, because some things are sacred). Remember that no matter what, the slowest players will always be in front of you, and the fastest will always be behind. Stay tuned. Or, if you’re still on the 15th hole from yesterday’s round, please pick up the pace.
