Willow Dunes Members in Uproar Over New Facial Recognition at Entry Gates

A new era of security has arrived at Willow Dunes, and predictably, members are not handling it well.

Director of Security Isabella Vaughn, ever the stickler for elite exclusivity, has implemented state-of-the-art facial recognition software at the club’s entry gates. The goal? Enhance security, streamline access, and eliminate the need for membership cards.

The result? Mass hysteria over ‘bad angles’ and ‘unflattering lighting.’

The System That Launched 1,000 Complaints

The software, designed to scan members' faces upon arrival, has reportedly identified several individuals as “unknown” due to what some are calling “criminally poor photography.”

One particularly distressed member was overheard wailing,

“The system makes me look like I’ve aged a decade! I demand a re-scan under better lighting!”

Another insisted,

“I’ve never had a double chin before. Clearly, this machine is defective.”

A small but vocal faction of members is now lobbying to install professional lighting and a beauty filter at the gates to prevent “unnecessary reputational damage.”

Isabella’s Response? A Hard No.

When asked for comment, Isabella did not mince words:

“This is security, not a photo shoot. The system is working perfectly. The problem is not the camera.”

(Reports suggest she said this while giving a particularly long, unimpressed stare.)

The Retake Rebellion

Still, the controversy rages on. In an act of elite defiance, certain members have resorted to:

• Strategically tilting their heads upon approach, hoping for a more “flattering” scan.
• Practicing their entrance walk in the mirror before arriving at the gate.
• Wearing oversized sunglasses to “confuse the system” into assuming celebrity status.

The Future of Entry at Willow Dunes

With dozens of formal complaints now submitted, an emergency meeting of the Aesthetic Oversight Committee has been scheduled. The main demand? Optional “glamour shots” for the database.

Until then, members are advised to accept their fate, maintain their posture, and try not to blink during scanning.

And if they don't like the result? Maybe they should take it up with their plastic surgeon instead of security.