Why Was a Yoga Mat Left in The Velvet Taproom?
A Security Inquiry
The Velvet Taproom is a place of tradition. A place of refinement. A place where members sip neatly stirred Old Fashioneds, engage in mildly exaggerated golf stories, and debate whether the caddies are too opinionated.
It is not, however, a place for wellness culture.
So when a yoga mat was discovered abandoned in a corner booth last Thursday evening, security was called immediately.
The Investigation Begins
Isabella Vaughn, Director of Security & Enforcement of Decorum, took the case personally. Within minutes, she had dispatched staff to review security footage, interrogate potential witnesses, and determine whether this was an isolated incident—or the beginning of a larger crisis.
“I’ve seen a lot of things in this club,” Vaughn stated in her official report. “But never this.”
The Suspects
Several theories emerged:
- The Forgetful Yogi: Someone from The Serenity Loft may have absentmindedly left their mat behind after stopping in for a “quick drink.” This, however, raised more serious concerns—what kind of person does yoga and follows it with a cocktail?
- The Health-Obsessed Golfer: A few members have recently dabbled in flexibility training to improve their swings. Could one of them have brought their fitness regimen into a space meant for leisure and excess?
- The New-Age Influencer: A non-member guest may have infiltrated The Velvet Taproom and—perhaps in an attempt to capture a viral wellness moment—posed for photos before abandoning their mat altogether.
- A Statement Piece: Could this have been a deliberate act of rebellion? A quiet protest against the club’s firm stance against athleisure?
The Fallout
While no one has stepped forward to claim the yoga mat, Vaughn has issued a firm response:
- Yoga mats are not permitted in The Velvet Taproom. If flexibility is required, there are stretch limousines available for transport.
- Wellness initiatives must remain confined to designated areas. The Serenity Loft is fully equipped for such activities and does not, to Vaughn’s knowledge, serve bourbon.
- Security reserves the right to question anyone who orders kombucha or non-alcoholic wine. (Exceptions made for those on doctor’s orders—though skepticism will be applied.)
Case Closed—For Now
While The Velvet Taproom has returned to its usual state of controlled indulgence, members are asked to remain vigilant. Should any further fitness-related contraband appear—be it a protein shake, a foam roller, or, heaven forbid, resistance bands—security will be swift in their response.
As Vaughn put it, “This is a place for scotch and storytelling, not sun salutations.”
Let this incident serve as a reminder: Willow Dunes embraces progress, but only when it arrives in a properly pressed blazer.
The Club Chronicle
