Resolutions Were Fun While They Lasted

Saturday night’s Willow Dunes wedding reception was a picture-perfect affair—elegant décor, exquisite cuisine, and an open bar that encouraged just a bit too much celebration. Unfortunately, the evening came to an abrupt and disastrous end when one particularly festive guest decided that golf carts make excellent getaway vehicles. They do not. At approximately 11:42 p.m., an unnamed, extremely well-lubricated wedding guest commandeered a club cart from behind The Gilded Fork , declaring "I'm fine, I golf all the time!" before peeling off into the night. Their joyride ended 45 seconds later when they wrapped the cart around a tree near the 9th fairway. And now, Clive Wadsworth is furious . The Scene of the Crime By the time security arrived, the guest had already vanished, leaving behind: A totaled golf cart, missing a front wheel and partially embedded in bark. A spilled cocktail, suspiciously untouched. One loafer, later recovered by maintenance staff. Director of Security Isabella Vaughn cordoned off the area with police tape, which only fueled the drama. By sunrise, golfers were gathered at the scene, whispering theories as if it were a crime from an episode of Dateline. And then… Clive arrived. Clive Loses His Mind For a man who avoids manual labor at all costs, Clive reacts very passionately when club property is destroyed. "This… this is an OUTRAGE!" he bellowed, inspecting the wreckage as if it were a crime against humanity. Never mind that: Clive hasn’t personally driven a golf cart in three years. There are at least 30 other working carts. Nobody is asking Clive to fix anything. This was now a personal crusade. The Investigation Begins Clive immediately launched his own investigation, which involved: Pacing around the wreckage while shaking his head. Dramatically taking notes on a clipboard. Asking everyone nearby, "Do we have security footage on this?" When Isabella Vaughn informed him that security had already reviewed the footage and handed the matter off to the wedding party, Clive was not satisfied. "Doesn’t matter. I’ll get to the bottom of it," he muttered, writing nothing of importance on his clipboard. The Fallout The cart? Already towed away. The tree? Mostly fine. The wedding guest? Mysteriously quiet. Clive? Still outraged. By Monday morning, he was still telling anyone who would listen about how “back in my day, people respected golf carts.” Meanwhile, a brand-new cart arrived from the manufacturer, completely resolving the issue. Clive is still taking notes.